A cloudy day,warms my heart.

So here i am once again.
Another long sleepless night.
Me laying back thinking about you once again.
Im sorry that you cross my mind so very offen these days. I do sit back and wonder why the change of heart.. I know i never talk to you out loud or gave you this much attention before. I am sorry for this. I guess i was just too young to try to even stop what i was doing and think about life… The bigger picture i mean..
Now that i am a bit older and im no longer afred of whats to come after death. I guess ive learnt to let go of certain things life desides to throw at us..
Tonight im here to just let you know im here thinking about you.
And i have a question i would wish you could maybe help me with..
I know the only way you’ll get this is through dream state.. And i know how busy it can get in that ralm..i just really need some answers or something.. Even sign.

You know what i need to know…
P.S
Miss you. 333am. 28/29…th may. 12.

Insecure,
Is how i feel at this very moment in time..
Why am i feeling like this..
I don’t understand Why i’m feeling this way.
Depression, 
Is something i can not control my mind or body to stop thinking about or doing.
Missing you,
I am missing you each and everyday.
I truly wonder where you go at night..
I wonder a lot about how you died.
I hope and pray it was a peaceful experience for you.
I still meet you in my dreams.
But somehow it is so much differen’t now..
We no longer communicate though them.
I know your somewhere out there..
Even if other’s don’t believe it.
The only thing that count’s is I do believe.
Every now and again i do catch myself talking out loud to myself..
Hoping you are listening to my thoughts out loud.
I’m still smiling at the pictures i have of you around my room..
I do wish we could meet again sometime..
Maybe someday we might!

There is so much i want to tell you about.
And i hope while i write this you are here within me somewhere’s looking down at me listening.
In time’s like these no one wants to feel alone.
But i do. 
It help’s me think.
Help’s me see what i need to change and help’s me go on..
Resently,
I meet a Boy.
I knew him from high school.
But it never crossed my mind back then that we would Ever become what we are today..
He really is something I’ve been looking for,
for sometime now.
We connect greatly in many levels of life that I’ve been searching for in a friend/loved one.
I do not believe he is ‘the one’
It is finally nice to find someone like himself.
I feel no longer Alone within my own thoughts.
I feel so happy because of those event’s have unfolded.
LOVE,
It is WAY too early to say.
But he does not think so.
It does not feel right to just say it right away.
When you truely do not feel it.
Love is something you need to feel.
And then it is time because you just Know it!!
i believe,
That Death is just the start.
death is the beginning of something amazing.
But before then You just got to keep going no matter what.. 
:-)